Things I never said before #1: FRIENDS.

When I was a kid, I never care about my friends. I'm the one who always take it easy with friends' feelings, problems and so on. I never take it serious when friends are telling me their problems. Shit huh? I know. But now, I realize, friends are the valuable gifts in our life. They shared happiness and sadness with you. And I, regretted things I've done before. I should appreciate them.

I have tons of friends. But not all of them are my best friends. I appreciate and love them, but I love more on friends who never choose his or her other friend as his or her competitor in a wrong way. You know what I mean, right?

Good friends are hard to find, and I agree with it. I admit, I'm myself not a good-friend-type. Sometimes I can be a backstabber too, like what others can do, but screw you, who doesn't right. Nobody's perfect in this world. But I never back-stab people who never do shits to me. I can be a loyal friend if you're loyal to me. I never think my other friends as my competitor. I never get jealous with things they have. Sarcastic much? Maybe. But these what we do in our high school years.

But things happened differently in my Diploma years. I never thought that this would happen but gah, I was wrong. I treated my friends like the way I treated my high school's friends. I am sincere in be-friend with them. We shared lots of things together. But one day, I realize, one of them is taking me as her competitor. This person broke my heart. I never realize this but everyone like asking and telling me the same things about him/her. That's when I realize that yes, this person never treated me like the way I treated him/her. Yes, we have fun together, we're laughing, and enjoying our moments as friends. I never said this to him/her because I don't want to ruin the friendship we've been built after all these years.

For you, if you read this, I just want to say that yes, I felt betrayed by you. Good friends never take their other friends as their competitor. Good friends will never get jealous if their friends got better things in life. This is what I learned in my high school year. We're honest to each other. We're never bitch our besties. But as we get older, things changed too. I started talking shit behind my friend's back when I'm in my college years. I feel so bad for myself but I can't stop myself from saying things about him/her because I felt cheated and betrayed. I know, it's bad. Seriously, in my entire life, I swear I never take him/her as my competitor or anything. I'm happy for his/her happiness, I feel joy for his/her success life, but for him/her, he/she always get jealous with things I've done. He/She always wants to 'beat' me. You got what I mean? Maybe he/she didn't realize this, or maybe he/she didn't mean it, but his/her actions, can makes people believe that yahh he's/she's trying hard to compete me in a wrong way. It's okay to compete with your friends, but not in a wrong way like he/she did. Forgive me if I was wrong. I am not a judge. I'm not judging you, I'm not qualified to judge other people life. I am also not a good friend and I admit that. But the thing is, I can feel it. And got proofs from my other friends too, and it makes me believe more. I still love you, but yeah, things are different now. I hope you'll understand.

For my 2011 resolution, I want to stop talking bad about you, but it only happen if you're stop competing me in a wrong way. LOL. I'm just kidding :P yeaap, seriously, this is going to be my last post about this 'friend'. I'm tired too. I guess I already got too much sarcastic words in my blog for this person. Enough already to make him/her to realize.